it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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