she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
