Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
