i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
