I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
