I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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