Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize