I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
