This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
