i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
