I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We had sex on a dog bed..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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