So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
