I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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