i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
