if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize