I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
