Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
