if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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