i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Are we still banned from the library?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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