I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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