Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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