Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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