i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
