I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
