We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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