girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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