I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
