Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
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