i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she peed on how many people?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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