You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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