I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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