WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
