Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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