that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
not ubering you a puppy
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
