I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it glows. i had to have it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
