why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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