The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
