I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
