I heard we made out
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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