you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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