You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
