I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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