Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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