Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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