Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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