i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
