What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
