Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
