his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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