the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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