I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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