YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
