I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize