I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
