every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
