I think my fart just growled at me.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
