Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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