My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she told me i tasted like america
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
