You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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