i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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