at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
