I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
