I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
