First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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