If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize