You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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