So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
