Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
