I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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