you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
