your thong is hanging out like whoa
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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