so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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