Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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