How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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