oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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