You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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