So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
