The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
